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Friday, January 31 i am totally exhausted now... but i want to say out all that i want to say... the feeling is bad.. very bad...maybe i start with us going to the temple to pray to my mum and granddad.. when i saw my mum photo, i juz couldn't help but tears juz form up in my eyes...i hold them back...miss her a lot...juz standing in front of the photo, i can feel her juz right beside me... yet i can't reach up for her... "how r u... juz wanna say happy new year mum..." i could barely say it out... there's so much for me to say... then at my ah gong house...my ah gong asked my dad if we're coming for lunch tomorrow.. guess what my dad say? i couldn't believe it man.. he said we wun be coming tomorrow.. giving excuses dat can't visit any relatives for a year... what the fuck man... if we can't go my ah gong house, then it meant that we can't go to my dad relative place what... if he is tired of going to the place, juz said it then! does he have a heart? is he trying to show me that he want no more relation with my mum's relative? what the hell is wrong with him? he should know that my ah gong would be so damn bloody upset, and he had juz had to say that! how could i not be angry? how could i not be upset? i was really on the verge of crying when my ah gong told me to come visit him whenever i am free.. and my dad seems so cruel at that time... i juz wish i would say it right in front of him that, i would rather go visit my mum's relative then his relative!! how had he changed? can't imagine he really say that... i can tell you guys seriously, if he really intend not to go to ah gong place tomorrow, i don't want to go anywhere else! i am really damn bloody fed up with him... where the hell has his heart gone? where the hell is my same old loving dad gone... Heli Dont ask me why 11:26 PM Monday, January 20 posting the song ain good enuff to express my feelings now..that kind of lonely feelings had consumed me once again.. haunting me now and then.. i feel lonely..in fact worst than before.. i hate going home.. i feel sad seeing the both of them.. there's not a single soul for me to confide to.. is this the last resort? i feel warm and glad when i talk to my dad even just one or two sentences.. but he's always out.. does he know that he had been neglecting me? or am i the one neglecting him? very soon, this house gonna be even quieter.. bro going ns on the 23rd.. the house gonna be only me and the soul of my mum? wonder how's she doing now. is she just right beside me? "Sadness is beautiful, Loneliness is tragical.." true indeed. when will loneliness ever been regard as happiness? everynow and then, its just me, and the house.. me and the house.. wonder i can last how long.. brothers going ns.. mum gone.. dad dating.. what the hell is the life i am leading.. Heli Dont ask me why 10:15 PM Artist: Sarah McLachlan Album: Mirrorball Title: Angel Spend all your time waiting for that second chance for a break that would make it okay there's always one reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the end of the day I need some distraction oh beautiful release memory seeps from my veins let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight in the arms of an angel fly away from here from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort there so tired of the straight line and everywhere you turn there's vultures and thieves at your back and the storm keeps on twisting you keep on building the lie that you make up for all that you lack it don't make no difference escaping one last time it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees in the arms of an angel fly away from here from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort there you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort here Heli Dont ask me why 10:04 PM Friday, January 10 hm..long time no come here and blog liaoz.. busy with school life..well..not really.. many times want to come here and write something.. but too bad.. too lazy.. well anyway.. a lot of thoughts in my mind this few days.. though many did not realise.. i had been thinking often.. and seriously.. hard for me to express it out now.. mixed and confused.. "beginning to lose myself.." probably that's the phrase i would use to describe me? today juz heard a very bad and shocking news.. one of my friends, actually had brain tumour and had the op today.. wonder how is she now.. hope she's okay.. well.. life is just very unexpected.. somethings just suddenly pop out.. just make us people hard to accept the fact.. really... diaoz~ Heli Dont ask me why 10:44 PM |
Personal archives 2002.11 .: Thoughts :. I know i have to let you go.. Everyone tells me this is so... See, my life has stopped since You passed away Sometimes i can't bear it Even for one more day.. Thoughts of you consume me Every second of everyday I just want it back you know The way things used to be... In my life you held the key And now i have just your memory And though this is not enough for me This is how it has to be... I need to laugh again without feeling guilty You aren't here... I feel so alone & full of tear It's so terribly hard when all that's Left is tears... Mum, i wish you are here Just plainly listening to me... I promise to keep you safe Where you have always been of course In my heart, that's the place... |